One afternoon, a friend reluctantly joined me at a Brooklyn restaurant to learn Hong Kong-style mahjong. I had always found the colorful bakelite tiles and the sound they made when shuffled intriguing. My mother plays the American version twice a week with her friends, a tradition that makes me a little jealous – why don’t I have my own regular game?
We were one of 15 students, all new to the game. To start, we had a dummy round where all the tiles were turned over so everyone could see their values and the teacher could walk us through each step of gameplay. There were elements of card games I knew, but the intricacies confused me – wait, you need three identical tiles to form a pung? How did that guy just win when I was still trying to figure out the flower tiles?
Then I thought, why am I learning this game when I already know countless others and never play them? This was the thought that made me want to politely claim an emergency and leave mid-lesson – why am I doing this? On the surface, I’m a curious person who likes new experiences, but learning a new game is something I haven’t done in years. The ability to learn new things can become stiff with age. So many things in life are not easy or comfortable already, why opt into another one? And do I even have room in my life for yet another thing I do?
My friend surprised me a few days later by getting a mahjong set. She said we just need two other people and we can play. I remembered our lesson, when I had wanted to leave because I wasn’t mastering mahjong fast enough. Being bad at something can be unpleasant and embarrassing. Of course, we stick to things we’re good at. We like to be confident, comfortable, and look cool.
But this is also an invite to community. An invite to be bad at something with other people, with the goal of reaching the other side: a new hobby, a new ritual. Maybe, eventually, that clubbiness I had envied in my mom’s games.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned how I view this time of year as one of “unclenching,” letting go of that tight, withholding winter self and opening up to spring. The unclenching can be challenging. Moving deliberately from a familiar place to an unfamiliar place isn’t without discomforts. I read about how a chick develops an egg tooth to break out of its egg when ready to hatch. How do we grow our own egg teeth and escape our tight places into the light?
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Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/22/briefing/spring-awakening.html